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this is where you read about my life. day to day. sounds exciting doesnt it?
Thursday, April 3
GONE: find me HERE :o)
Wednesday, March 26
Blogger is pissing me off! None of the changes I make to my template show up. Argh. I hate technology! :o(
Sunday, March 16
March 13th & 14th-- the loneliest days of my life :o(
Mad Season
by matchbox 20
I feel stupid - but I know it won't last for long
I've been guessing - I coulda been guessin' wrong
You don't know me now
I kinda thought that you should somehow
Does that whole mad season got ya down
I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changin' - think it's funny how now one knows
We don't talk about - the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
So why ya gotta stand there
Looking like the answer now
It seems to me - you'd come around
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin' on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down
So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
You need to be together now - I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
Now I'm cryin' - isn't that what you want
I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I came undone
And I came undone
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm a child and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
In this mad season
There's been a mad season
Been a mad season
Thursday, March 13
Today was *eh. I feel like everything should be back on track, but for some reason it's not. Damnit.
Thats it I suppose.
Wednesday, March 12
Haven’t really blogged lately. Hasn’t really been a priority I suppose. But damn. A lot has happened lately.
First: Berkeley MUN Conference: Wow. That was a big time consumer. Before going on the trip I had all these, expectations, I guess you could say, for how we would all end our year with a bang, so to speak. I figured that this would be my last trip with the boys and girls and seriously I wanted to make the best of it. But things didn’t really turn out so great. I mean, I guess you could say the entire weekend was a mixture of ups and downs. First, in preparation for the conference Helen and I really got a chance to bond more, which I am grateful for. I enjoyed spending time with her at her house and eating Korean food ;o). After the paper jam of the century *eep, we left for the conference and Helen got into FULL FREAKOUT MODE. Seriously. I was really frustrated because I had to keep calming her down and I knew that she wasn’t thinking level headedly with all that anxiety. Blah. Well, later, I called Johnny to brighten my spirits and found he wasn’t too far from Oakland, so that made me feel a little better. :o) On Friday night, I had a really great conversation with the girls. It felt SO GOOD to talk to them again. I mean, just the whole nostalgic feeling filled the room and we really caught up with life. It feels that no matter what time period has passed and no matter what has happened they ALWAYS ALWAYS understand me and listen with open arms. We laughed and had serious talks at the same time.. in fact, we had so much fun that security came and knocked on our door. Haha. Well, Saturday night rolled around and I figured *hooray. But, no... more like *boo. Well, it was a pretty awful night and I felt like shit. Seriously.. I was tired and upset and all I wanted to do was go home. And I kept telling myself that I should make the best of it.. but that got me nowhere.. I guess that and the fact that I’m so used to keeping to myself when things are bothering me that I tend to shut myself away even more when I need consoling the most. *sigh. After that, Sunday came around and Helen and I got the gavel, which was an amazing experience. I was so happy, I was shaking. Well, on the plane ride back I had a lot of fun with Neil. Haha. Yeah. I guess.. that’s that. No more MUN, no more conferences, no more making memories at the hotel, no more Saturday night activities, no more coffee & bagels in the morning, no more taking long ass walks in dress shoes, no more pink tie, no more removing the staple at the awful delegate dances, no more long nights writing position papers, no more speeches/comments/caucus... seriously the end of one of the best chapters in my life. :’( But, I know that I’ll always take the memories with me.
Well, onto more recent news. I guess that I only write in this blog when I have something to say. Today was a pretty shitty day. I mean, from the start I felt so... I don’t know... stupid. *sigh. First period was blah and in second I took the fucking hardest makeup test EVER. Damnit. Well, in third period.. man, I don’t know what happened. I guess things got weird.. but that letter was really important to me as corny and silly as it sounds... I even thought about not giving it to him because.. ahh.. I’m so insecure about telling people about my feelings and all that stuff....Especially when they’re concerning friends and whatnot... and I don’t know.. things just kind of went downhill from there. Like, I don’t know if he thought I was joking or something.. but man.. I feel SO bad and stupid like.. more than I have in a very long time. Ahhh.... this is ridiculous... I just keep thinking about how its not that big of a deal because he apologized and then when I think about it some more it is... And then I get mad at myself for being such a girl and not sucking it up and then I think about how I just so badly want to sit and cry forever. I am so dumb for feeling sorry for myself and for thinking about this all day... but seriously... I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do anymore... and I don’t know why I feel so bad. Blah, I’m sure things will be better tomorrow.
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