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this is where you read about my life. day to day. sounds exciting doesnt it?
Tuesday, February 25
Minor twitching in eye today. Hooray. But, it did start acting up during English. Blah.
There is a boy who works at the Taco Bell by my house. He is so pretty. It's almost disgusting.
Must work on FAFSA. As well as a crap load of other stuff. Argh.
Time to procrastinate now. :o)
Monday, February 24
Yesterday, Jenni took me to Red Lobster. Man. That place is so sexy. Especially during *Lobster Fest. Yay. It was fun.
I organized my school crap into folders today. Speaking of crap. I taught my mom the expression "I'm not taking your crap anymore." She seems to like it. Hopefully she will use it well.
My goal is to go to sleep by 10 tomorrow night. As to get the full late start sleep experience because I missed it last week due to Career morning. Yeeeeah.
My eyelid kept twitching today. I wonder if thats unhealthy. So, I consulted the mighty online doctor!
"Eyelid twitching can have many causes. Some of these causes can be indicators of a serious problem, but the majority of cases are not serious. The list of common possible causes includes: fatigue, lack of sleep, habit (a nervous tick), local irritation of the cornea or conjunctiva (misdirected eyelash or cyst; dryness), unilateral blepharospasm, and hemifacial spasm." Read more here.
**The bolded ones are the ones that I think are causing the twitchy-ness. Haha. Thats kind of dirty. Talking about eye twitching.. haha.
Lately I've been going to Vals Cotillion Practices! I think they're going well. Well, despite the fact that I have NO PARTNER! I think Ryan is going to be replaced.. but... with who? :P I will keep you updated! Same Bat Time; Same Bat Channel.
Hmm. Okay. Must get to homework now to sleep at goal time for tonight [11:30]!
Sunday, February 23
Haven't blogged in a VERY VERY long while. I've been swamped. Not necessarily with school work, more just things I've been doing to keep me busy. Hah. Well, first off: Pammy and Johnny week. SO SO FUN! I'm so grateful to have a friend like Johnny. He is honestly one of the nicest guys I've ever met and this week proved that in every sense. I really got a chance to get to know him a lot more and like he said.. I think Pammy and Johnny week is going to really stick.. :o) I love you, Johnny0! :D
Moreover, the Georgetown Team FINALLY came home!! Ahh!! Its amazing-- the extent of how much I missed them!! I really never thought it would be that different. But, GOD it is. :o) I'm happy that I got to surprise them at the airport with Johnny! They were raped twice and didn't even know it! Mwahaha. Crazy Johnny driving skills ;o). Well, after returning home.. things are normal again. Hooray.
I had a long conversation with Neil. Mostly about him. Haha. Really Nicky-- You're not conceited. Trust me! In actuality, I was really happy that we got to talk about him for once because.. when you can talk about yourself, and more over your insecurities, I think you become better friends. Hooray. I had so much fun going out to eat with him\throwing ice cream on the floor\laughing til my head hurt. :D I wouldn't mind it if you were my gay roommate Niiiiiiiiel! Haha. :P
My relationship with my Mom has greatly improved. I think its because I go to work with her on Saturdays now. She knows where I am... and she talks to me a lot more now. I'm grateful that I see her more and even understand her more. She didn't even have a "monthly blowup" this month. Well-- yet. Argh. We'll see how it goes. I think she's under less stress now, so she doesn't take it out so much on me and Jenni anymore. Yay.
Well, overall... I think things for me right now.. they're not going bad or good. They're just kind of going. You know what I mean? What with college acceptances/rejections just around the corner, I'm really wondering where my life is leading. And the more I think about it.. the more I just want to let go and let things happen. You know.. just stop worrying for once. About everything-- boys, school, crap. Hmm. I guess that really goes to show that my perspective has changed. I mean, on life and on school. I have always counted on fate to take me to where I'm really supposed to be.. and even though I'm still in that kind of mentality.. I realize, also, that my own personal effort will carry me the rest of the way.. But, I just need to know where I'm supposed to be headed. Ya know? ;)
Well, whatever happens, happens. I can just do what I can.. and the rest. I guess it's destiny.
Monday, February 10
Wee. Breaking down the weekend/friday from most recent happenings to least. :)
Today, Sunday, February 9, 2003
I spend the entire day with Johnnyo! :) It was lots of fun. This morning at 7AM Johnny and I went to see off our dear friends (Nicky, Helen, Ed, Mona + Kristen) at LAX. We brought them presents and such. I was really sad! We felt like Mommy and Daddy as we watched them leave. It was nice though, and they were REALLY surprised! (Haha, Nicky! Saying I can't lie!) I really hope they have lots of fun! *And bring us presents >:P hahaha. Just kidding. Really, though, I was quite surprised at how sad I really was! And they're only going to be gone for a week! Imagine when we go to college! We're all going to DIE! :'( So sad. *Sigh. Well after that, I went home. And ended up calling Johnny later around 5ish. He came over and helped me wash the dishes (There was an ENDLESS pile of them in the sink) and we left to Long Beach Town Center to eat and watch a movie. We had a sandwich with only the meat and bread *lol, and watched *CHICAGO! Wow. That movie was REALLY REALLY good! I give it 5 stars! :o) It makes you really want to sing and dance, and is a bit reminiscent of Moulin Rouge. Well, yeah, so now I'm here, recapping the past couple of days :)
Saturday, February 8, 2003
Mommy woke me up (in a non-nice way) at 5:30am :'( I was so sad. Blah. Well, I drove all the way to Thai Town Express and started work at Busy Stop. Yeah. It was pretty fun and dirty at the same time. Hahaha. I met some nice people and some really weird, old, bitter, crustalicious coustomers. Damn. Well, I worked and worked with my two cousins: Pat and Crystal. Honestly, Busy Stop is like a vortex that sucks you in, causing you to lose track of all time and conciousness. Blah. The only fun thing is the Lotto Machine. Mwahaha! Oh well, I made some moneys! Later, I came home around 9ish and had to take a massive crap! Hahaha. Which was bad, because Mommy made me unload all these HEAVY things out of the car. :'( Gross. Haha. Well, later, I called Nicky and told him farewell and such, his Mommy was kind of upset :\ because we talked for a while. Blah. Well, I ended up going out with Jenni and eating. Jenni left to go karaokeing and I fell asleep on the couch. Later in the night, I guess Mommy went to check Jenni's room because she woke me up in a frenzy asking where Jenni was. I was so delerious from lack of sleep I was like "Huh??! Where am I? I don't know! Leave me alone woman!" Thats the last thing I can recall. :o)
Friday, February 7, 2003
At School, I was DEAD tired because I only got 2 hours of sleep, due to damn position papers. :( However, after school, I already made plans with the kids to go to my house and eat. It was great fun! Haha. I feel kind of bad though, because I was supposed to be at Val's cotillion practice, but then again, they were leaving on Sunday! So, yeah. Ugh. Well, we watched Sweet Home Alabama and ate Albertacos :o) The Shiesty is lucky that he came before we ravaged his meal. :P I fell asleep during the movie (And I DONT remember you knocking me on the head!!) haha and woke up during the end. Oh well. After that, I got ready and such, to go to the Phantom Planet concert. But, for some reason, JP got in trouble and couldn't make it, so we spent a good while trying to find a replacement person. I called Eugene like 50 times. Actually, 3. And Erin called Celi while Ben called Sean. Finally, we found someone who could go! Jesse! So, we left around 7:30 (1 hour after we planned to) and arrived at about 9ish. There was SO much traffic!! and SO many accidents! Well, while we were there, we saw a bunch of famous people! At first, we saw Johnny Knoxville with a WHOLE bunch of kids! Haha. He looks emaciated in real life. But, really cool. He was taking pictures with people and stuff, but seemed nice. Well, after, we saw Selma Blaire who used to date the drummer of Phantom Planet. She is REALLY skinny also. Haha. Erin touched her-- you damn stalker! Well, this is what made my night! When we were sitting there, Erin goes 'Hey, I think Incubus is here." I almost had a heart attack! I literally think that my heart stopped beating for a cool minute. DAMN. Well, we thought we were mistaken at first. But, then, we saw Jose, the drummer walk RIGHT by us to go to the bathroom! Hahah. Then FINALLY, we turned back, and saw Brandon AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! In the flesh! Hes REAL! Man. It was like, he was never an actual person to me until I saw him in the flesh. *Sigh. My life is complete now. :o) Well, it turns out they were the only two there. Jose went up on stage and drummed a little with PP too. They are pretty good performers and they put on a really good show :) It was a very fun evening. After, we went to Denny's and then home. It was great fun. :o)
Blah. So, that was my weekend. Now, I must retire to my bed. Tomorrow I have work and Johnny's going to work with me! Yay! I'm happy. Hey, noticed how I'm trying to use correct capitalization and punctuation? :) Yeeeeah. Haha. Okay. Time for BED! *Night.
Thursday, February 6
Out of nowhere, I am in trouble today. For plainly sucking I suppose. That’s not too uncommon in this house though. I guess its sometimes good to be reminded of “your place.”
Mommy calls me today at Helen’s house. Apparently she’s mad, VERY mad. Why? Because someone locked the door connecting the garage and the house, the only door she uses and the only door she has a key to. And since I’m the only one in killing range, then it’s obvious that I am to blame. Right.
So she goes on about how we’re shitty kids for touching her stuff and even throws in the routine “you’re not going to amount to anything in life” shit. Sure, Mom. She asks me where I’ve been, when I already told her earlier today, and she tells me not to touch her stuff anymore. She says that she’s the only one who ever does anything around here for anyone. Well, fuck, I’m sorry that I am not a “good kid.” But, I was under the impression that “good kids” were people that were raised to be good-- by their parents. Not kids who were ditched and expected to be perfect. And I also thought that “good parents” as you so often call yourself, mom, were supposed to give a damn about their kids. Whatever.
It was a fucking door. I cant comprehend how you can get so angry over that, and take it out on someone who was in no way connected to its accidental locking. Whatever, I’m used to it.
Tuesday, February 4
damnit. what date is it. maybe im just, not to fill the typical girl stereotype but, pmsing. :\
fuck fuck fuck. ahh! yeah! hell yeah. im quite a teen angst mood this evening. i suddenly got tired of all this shit. and im getting quite tired of acting like all this shit isnt bothering me either. ah. i think i might go mad.
i guess its not any one thing specifically. just a culmination of shit. like a shit pile. hah. yeah. okay.
hm okay. i was thinking...that i was starting to get sick of myself. hah. how sick is that. blah. i think im just talking out of my ass right now. and look at that. its only 11:17pm. early for little pammy.
well, i suppose everyones blog is usually filled with all these "emotions" that range from the normal everyday blab to the angry rants about hating parents/school/etc. *sigh. i think now, that mine is filled with this more or less superficial crap that i, often times, dont like. well, i guess its in efforts to live up to what everyone "expects" of me. happy-go-lucky-pammy. hmm. maybe i should start being meaner. haha. thats funny. bahhh. or more honest at least. i guess, i just dont want people to see me as they do at first glance. blaaaaah. i dont even know what im saying anymore. argh. fuck fuck... blaaaah.. leave me here to die :\
Sunday, February 2
blah. feeling that my existence is suddenly of little importance. i dont know why. like there is suddenly a greater purpose out there that i have not yet realized. then again, i suppose its always been like this. like we dont know why were here and all that mumbo jumbo. right. i think i just need to get busy doing things again. feel like i have a purpose ya know? and more importantly get my ass out of this chair and off of the computer.
yesterday was fun. johnnyo and helen came over to watch scary movies and unexpectedly eugene calls and comes to join us. it made me happy. :o)
argh. this makes me start to think that maybe i should stop this whole *im never going to call you* thing and suck up my pride huh? i feel like such a guy. too much hubris. honestly, though, i feel that i am entitled to these hard ass precautions that i take just because of how ive been taken advantage of in the past. and to me, it always feels like you need some degree of pain to feel the real extent of pleasure.
haha i read nickys blog and he said hes grown accoustomed to saying "pammy and the boys" because we all spend lots of time together. haha. thats funny. i love the boys :o) im REALLY looking forward to johnny and pammy week! :P hooray!
AHHHHHHHHH hahaha. jenni just came home and showed me her new name tag from target. the funny part is that her other name tag the *temporary* one was just a sticker on someones old one, and when she took it off it said PAMELA eeeeeeeeeehehehehehehe! now i can have it and reek havoc in targets all over the world! ahhhhh! :o) the perfect ending to a rather boring day! x)
changed a few things on the webpage. hmm. going to daddys house now. XP
CORRECTION: daddy was busy. going to stay home & possibly bake cookies :o)
Saturday, February 1
havent blogged in a while. lately, my life has been quite eventful. this last week of january [28/29/30] has been finals week. joy. im now considering the possibility of not getting into a UC at all. im scared, but at the same time am filled with this nonchalant-ness *yes i made that word up. >:\ that kind of disappoints me. but i guess in a sense, ive given up on a lot of things lately. ugh. makes me feel like a complete waste of skin. but, suddenly ive thrown myself into this existential rut. yes yes-- "life sucks, then you die." so ive really resorted to enjoying life as it comes. but then again, maybe im just being like every other teenager out there. ugh. why do all of my sentences begin with *'but then again' or 'but on the other hand.' too many 'but's.'
on a better note: i met rivers cuomo of weezer at the roxy on january 25th. ahh. fun times [w/ erin, jp, celi, amradio and smile] and also, im going to see the foo fighters and the transplants in april. ;o) *yay. that makes me feel a little better.
well, i havent seen my dad in exactly a month. the last time i saw him was on january 1st. i went out to eat with him. i think i blogged about it. right. that reminds me. i have not been adhering to many of my new years resolutions. in fact, i think im exactly the same as i was before. blah. maybe a little different. maybe. well, i really think that i should make an effort to see my dad more. a whole month. blah. thats bad. and plus, when i do see him that single day in the month its usually just to get my "monthly allowance." its weird. he used to actually take me and jenni out to eat. now, its more like 'heres your money' 'thanks' 'see ya.' i dont like it, but its SO hard for me to maintain a good relationship with him. maybe i just need to try harder-- A LOT harder. but, he always talks about things that he knows irk me. like other peoples kids! or about me having sex [which i DONT btw]! and sometimes its basically incoherent. man. i need to try though. its bad karma.
lately, ive been having a lot of nightmares. i dont like it. it makes me feel bad. its strange because i feel like im conscious during the nightmares and always try to wake myself up, with no success. like i can hear real-life-pammy calling to dream-land-pammy saying 'wake up! wake up!' but it doesnt work. scary.
oh yeah. today was chinese new year. yay. prayed to the grandparents and the ancestors as usual, with the food and everything. fun times. good karma. also had yearly tradition of saying 'happy new year/live a long life' in chu chow, for red envelopes ;o) hilarity always insues when its tinnagons turn. fun. also, met luckkana's boyfriend derrick. i met him once before, but he was quite asshole-esq then. not so much anymore. quite nice actually. but talks a bit too much, about strange things too. he can, however, dislocate his thumb which is really cool. haha. also, he has shattered an amusingly high number of bones in his body; including both wrists. which is also cool. x) hmm tinnagon says that im different now. weird..
last night, went to bonfire with eugene, mike, and some of their friends [tae, daniel, adrian, bernard] i enjoyed it. just the simplicity of it. usually, bonfires are great social events that happen infrequently and involve a lot of inviting. but, these boys just go to cook a couple of hot dogs and sit for a bit. its awesome. i really like that. afterword, i drove with eugene, to buy some yoshinoya for me and jenni. and i ran a red light. ARGH. i always get stupid when hes with me. damnit. why is that? blah. i know, but im not going to say! x) haha. i get so dorky. blah. later, we went home to watch cartoons and mommy came home and began to interrogate me about him again. i HATE when she does that. she never talks to me otherwise, only when hes over. blah. i keep lying to her though.. and im starting to feel bad. a little bit. a very little bit. very, very. whatever.
earlier yesterday, i watched xXx with the boys. vin diesel is SO damned SEXY. man. drooling is always inevitable with him. *sigh. acting... not to good though. :( oh well. good times with the boys. *thanks nicky, for calling eugene even though i was quite embarassed x) and, dont worry about that whole thing... youre a good boy. :o)
okay. jenni is very sick right now :o( poor girl. we were supposed to go to this place to pray to this monk in chinatown at 1am, but she had school and felt like shit. so, blah.
hey, sirens are going by my house. wow. they have been for a long time now. strange.
time to go keep myself busy now. maybe with sleep :). see ya.
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